• inside, there's a nasty surprise!
  • some examples of the "blue tiaras" as we don't see pilot's own

The most important items in the possession of Captain's army

During their travels in the wasteland Captain and his Minions have gathered lot's of interesting or plainly strange objects.

The Mug

"I've examined the underside and the inside of the mug. No connections or seams. No false bottom. No batteries. No buttons. No coils, nothing that could possibly heat the liquid.

Ceramic. One red heart. ...Just a stupid ceramic mug." Mr. Snippy's Mugspection

Captain's mug looks like any other normal mug, meant to contain hot beaverages. It is white, with a broad black stripe and a red heart on it. It has it's secrets, though. Neither Snippy nor Pilot are allowed to touch or refill it. Captain seems not to refill it either, so where does the tea he's always drinking (or throwing at his enemies) come from? And why is it always scalding hot?

Recently Mr. Snippy has overheard the Mug talking with the Straw and a bug, about killing the Captain - which left Mr. Snippy questioning his own sanity.

During the Biomass induced flashback to Mr. Snippy's past, there were two memories of a strange woman warning him to 'Beware the mug!' so maybe the mug indeed is some form of hired killer, who is after the life of the Captain.

The Straw

To drink without removing his gasmask, the Captain uses a white bendy Straw. Due to an incident in the past he isn't willing to share it with anybody. According to Mr. Snippy this is the only non-radiative straw in a radius of 10,000 miles.

In his Ask-blog Captain has stated, that the Straw likes 'hugs' almost as much as the ANNET and would probably kill anybody besides himself. Since the Straw was seen by Mr. Snippy plotting with the Mug and a bug to kill the Captain, this might actually be true.

The bag of Cancer summoning aka the Hello Cancer purse

An all purpose mobile storage device found by Captain on the arm of a mannequin doll in the wasteland. The bag is a black ladies-handbag with a happy cat's face doodle on one side. According to Mr. Snippy's memories, bags like this one seem to have been popular fashion accessories before the apocalypse.

The label inside states that the bag's materials were known to the State of California to cause cancer, aside some instructions to never eat or wash the purse or to ever remove said label.

Captain handed the bag to Mr. Snippy, who had just lost his rifle, as an alternate means of self defense. It was taken from him by a group of hostile wastelanders shortly after, though, and was probably burnt to ashes when their hideout was destroyed.

The recruitment note

A flier written by Captain in the hopes to attract more minions to the ranks of his army. It read:

"HELLO SIR OR MADAM! I am recruiting for the most AMAZING ARMY! It would be the most benefactory for YOU to join! Cheers, ZEE Captain" along with a self portrait of the Captain.

The note was crumbled up and torn to shreds by an enraged Dr. Gromov.

Stalky seems to have found and restored the note later, decorating his hideout with it.

Box of radioactive Spiders

A pretty, big, black box with a red stripe and a heart on it. Pilot thought it was containing chocolates, but it was apparently full of radioactive spiders (probably of the Cake-spider subspecies, that was encountered at a different time by Snippy as well).

The box was left empty on a bench somewhere in the wasteland. But it looks like a certain Stalker has more of them in his hideout.

Red balloons

The only flying machine Pilot has managed to get to work so far was a lawnchair with dozends of red, helium filled balloons tied to it. Pilot has tied the same sort of balloons to almost anything else he came across in the wasteland as well, even an enraged crawler monster, which he later named Photoshop.

Mr. Kittyhawk

The 'evil' plush toy companion of Pilot. The origin and the current whereabouts of the stuffed puffin are unknown.

The pinwheel

A pretty four-coloured pinwheel found by Pilot somewhere in the wasteland. It's qualities as a flying machine have yet to be tested.

The red scooter

A toy discovered by the Captain in a display window of a shop for the incredible x-mas special sales price of only 99.99. The Captain had to get a loan from the G-Directorate Federal Reserve Bank to buy it, nevertheless.

The Geiger-counter

A device for measuring radioactivity, found in the wasteland by Mr. Snippy. It looks like a yellow painted metal box with a handle, a display and several warning lamps. A cable connects the box to a yellow rod with the radiation sensor inside. It's main purpose is to make sure Snippy has never to eat radioactive soup again.

So far it has been used to confirm one thing: The Captain is the 'HOT STUFF!'


A birthdaycake discovered by Captain in the underground tunnel system, surrounded by a group of skeletons with party-hats. We can only guess how stale, radioactive or spoiled the slice was, that the Captain took with him. It still looked delicious, though (several layers chociolate/vanilla?, pink frosting, with a candle on top). The slice of cake was used as lethal weapon against an alien weapon-officer. Captain managed to throw the cake that hard, that it litterally bashed the alien's helmet in.

It is unknown what happened to the rest of the cake, either it has been left behind in the cave where it was found, eaten, or stored away by Captain for later use.

Blue Tiara

A broken neural interface in Pilot's possession, like people used them to connect with the ANNET before the apocalypse. It still seems to get a weak signal by the ANNET calling for Pilot to come back. Pilot isn't planning to do so, as he is aware, that it is "a ticket to a one way trip without a return policy".

Pants Parachute

Zee Captain robbed an alien commander of it's pants to turn them into a parachute. With this item he and Snippy safely managed to escape from aboard the damaged flying saucer.

Mr. Snippy Bomb

A nuke with a portrait of Mr. Snippy doodled on the side. Was left by the Captain as collateral on the dissection table of a flying saucer. Also referred to as Snippy's atomic doppleganger.

Property Note

A note reading 'PROPERTY OF CAPTEIN' with a large selfportrait of the Captain on it. Hostile wastelanders found it on Mr. Snippy.

Ironically it was probably this note, that saved Snippy's life from being turned into a Cancer zombie by the Biomass. Since the Biomass needed surrogate evidence against the Captain, it only tried to catch and interrogate his minions instead of completely assimilating them like it did with the other wastelanders.

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