The Holy Parchment of Lemonade is the scripture worshipped by the Lemonade cultists that live in the caves beneath the ruined city of Eureka. Captain found it when he crashed a jet-powered subway train into their church and was mistaken for the cult's prophet Lemonade.


The holy parchment is a sticker from a soft drink bottle in a picture frame.

Only a part of the nutritional information has been passed down to us:

0% fat, 30 grams sugar, 2% sodium...[1]

"Return for refund where applicable"!

Role in storyEdit

Captain pointed out the true nature of the 'holy' parchment to the cultists, causing them to form an angry mob and throw Captain into the sugary pit of death, which he later escaped from by drinking it with his straw.[2]


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