Captain by alexiuss.jpg

The Captain, or Zee Captein, is the egocentric commander of the Crew, consisting of: Captain, Pilot, Sniper, and Engineer. Captain is quite eccentric, seems slightly unhinged, and yet is probably the last person anyone wishes to pick a fight with.


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Young Captain
Captain's history is sketchy, at best. Captain claims to have been born "A little girl" in "Germany". Captain remembers one time as a child, young Captain met a deranged man who wanted to "suck out [Captain's] precious eyeball juices with his straw". Captain refuses to share straws with anyone due to this incident.

What is confirmed is that Captain was the subject of Project 7, which aimed to find the luckiest man on earth. Due to this Captain was given the rank of Captain and was allowed access to ANNET's Core Room where Captain proceeded to spill hot tea on the servers, causing ANNET to malfunction and attempt to kill everyone in the facility. Dr. Gromov and a few others escaped presumably due to their admin privileges. How Captain escaped is unclear, but it is possibly due to being the luckiest person on the planet. Captain is presumed to be German but speaks with a voice changer. True gender is so far unknown to most however Mr. Snippy believes Captain is male.


The Captain's outfit
Zee Captain is clad in a heavy black trenchcoat, black leather boots and black leather gloves. A black gas mask with dual filters and pink/purple goggles obscures his face, and a Commander's Hat rests upon his head with a red band around it. Captain is nearly never seen without his trademark Mug, which has been known to contain various liquids ranging from tea to water to sugary death water. Captain drinks it without removing his mask with a straw.


A running gag in the comic is Captain's exact Gender. Captain refers to himself being a girl growing up, and in one comic Captain asks Sniper to "grab [his] boob". The comic's creator posted on his blog that male actors, female actors and even his wife model for Captain "so Zee Captain can be ALL genders!" However on the Facebook page for Mr. Snippy it was asked of his opinion on his gender and the reply was that there was a low possibility of Captain being female. Although it is seen in one of the comics, that Captain puts on and wears a red bra.


The Captain is probably the least sane of the crew, except perhaps for Pilot. Zee Captain is fanciful and absentminded, but is also extremely hard to best - no matter how bad the situation seems to become, Captain has managed to escape a multitude of dangerous enemies, including an angry cult and a horde of zombies - however, the latter was only thanks to the intervention of Sniper, who was captured as a result.

Skills and Equipment


Captain Throwing Cake. "I kill you in the name of delicious!"
he Captain's main power is constant good luck. Captain seems to suffer from a permanent Deus Ex Machina complex - no matter how bad the situation becomes, Captain is always able to save the day. It is likely that this is the primary trait which made him a perfect candidate for Project 7.

Captain's primary weapon, if it can be called that, is his coffee mug filled with tea. Captain has at least once used it's scorching hot contents to disable an alien robot. According to Snippy's journal, Captain has also used it to threaten subordinates into submission when they refused to carry out a particular mission. For a brief period, Captain was in possession of a slice of very stale - and presumably radioactive - cake. When threatened, Captain was able to throw this cake with enough force and accuracy to kill an alien invader through its helmet. Captain is also shown to have a "magic satchel", often pulling things, such as a mustache over his gas mask, out of nowhere.

Although his face has, as yet, never been seen by the audience, Captain has unmasked himself on at least one occasion and made an alien's head explode with his angry stare.

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